short funny affirmations
2. 35. 227. I receive what I believe. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. 170. Good morning! I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. I should have theme music every time I enter a room. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. 119. Bill Murray My mistakes dont define me. 114. 4. 3. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. 218. 74. But you can always be immature. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. 107. Its scary when it disappears. If you're going to be thinking, you may as well think big. Boost your ego and narcissism in as little as 5 minutes per day and set yourself up for success. 27. The best things in life are free. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. Or maybe, you just love cracking jokes and making people laugh. 135. If you feel like todays not your day and the best thing would be to stay in bed, Ive got something that will cheer you up. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. I am calm, patient and at peace. It will warm you twice unknown. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. 170. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. If I lose my hopes, I am afraid my mom will still scold me for taking it out and showing it to friends. 233. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. 36. It has nothing new to tell you. 219. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. Effective pushing often involves poop. I will shine like fireworks on the Fourth of July. 152. 129. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome., 15. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full. 274. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? Friday Affirmations: 20 Affirmations to Wind Down the Week Never test how deep the water is with both feet. 80 Funny Quotes To Make You Smile | Shutterfly - Ideas & Inspiration 40 Apology Paragraph For Her To Say Im Sorry, 80 Cute Relationship Quotes For Sweet Couples In Love, 50 Doubt In Relationship Quotes To Rebuild Trust, 75 Sad Broken Relationship Quotes To Fix Your Heartbreak, 70 Relationship Honesty Quotes On Love, Trust & Loyalty, 80 Relationship Sorry Quotes To Apologize To Your Love, 65 Disney Quotes About Family That Will Warm Your Heart, 90 Best Shrek Quotes From The Funny Ogre Movie, 80 Blended Family Quotes To Share With Your Loved Ones, 90 Female Fitness Quotes For Women Who Workout. I enjoy every minute of it. Friday Affirmations. 183. To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. 229. 150. 189. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. Some when they enter, some when they leave. Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. Ken Dodd - Unknown. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. 20 Most Powerful Affirmations Because Thoughts Become Things 148. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. 100. happy. 269. Envelope. Not a peli-cant. I am lazy till I get a motive. As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. Repeat the affirmation as many times as you see fit. These little phrases can be said aloud or written down anywhere to remind yourself that everything will turn out okay. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? 100 Funny Christmas Quotes. I intend to live forever. 9. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. The best way for me to appreciate my job is to imagine myself without one. Today I will embrace the poop. I will drink my coffee and conquer my day. Funny Daily Affirmations. Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of a Single Mom, Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of Midlife Relationships, Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? 273. 179. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. The thing is, Im still getting ready. 232. 3. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. Before using these amusing affirmations, you should believe in your sense of humor. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting! Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. With a cowculator. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. 68. 168. I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. I am happy and joyful. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer. 112. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. Frances McDormand, 42. There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldnt even jump puddles for you., 13. Stuart Turner, 247. I am not only pretty but also pretty awesome, pretty smart, and pretty kind. Who cares about the future? I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. I am way dumb than my mom keeps blabbering about me to the neighbors aunt. 59. I tried, but they wanted cash. 150. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. Dont forget that you get 24 hours, even on your worst day. You wanna know who Im in love with? Why is England the wettest country? Whatever the case may be, these 15 affirmations will make you feel confident in your sense of humor: Once youre feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. Your mind will naturally focus more on the positive things that happen that day rather than the negatives. 40 Positive Affirmations to Repeat for Success and Happiness - Oprah Daily 1. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. "Your mistakes don't define you.". The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. When nothing is going right, go left. How do you count cows? Cindy from Marzahn 272. I am healthy, I am wealthy, I am hot!, 14. 174. Friends buy you food. And one of the fundamental truths in life is that they will make . Where do you see yourself in 5 years? If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. I give over my anxiety to God, knowing His peace will protect my heart and mind. 38. I enjoy every minute of it. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? If youre looking for a way to brighten your day and amp up your attitude, youve come to the right place. I feed my spirit. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes. Happy Birthday.". How do astronomers organize a party? 56. I'm doing great. 100 Short Positive Affirmations: Keep Repeating Them Love your enemies. 225. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. [click_to_tweet tweet=I can always think of something funny to say. quote=I can always think of something funny to say. theme=style4], 2023 Oldtown Publishing LLC 479 State Route 17 N 233. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. 193. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. If I am willing to go back to bed when I wake up, I will go and make up the bed. You have to go after it with a club. Wilson Mizner Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. 44. Funny Friday Quotes. 77. 5. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? 160. 11. 'Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.'. Its a door, thats how they work. 230. I am awesome. My body deserves healthy food and exercise, not junk food or laziness. Stay focused and consistent, and youll start noticing the healing powers of humor and fun. Lorrin L. Lee. 8. Envelope. 71. I nourish my body every day. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. "Being funny doesn't take much effort.". I will be the type of person I would like my children to become. - Bob Hope. The most important aspect is being honest with yourself and opting for a meaningful statement. Funny Affirmations - Etsy 39 funny positive affirmations. 270. 98. 131. 94. 236. Rather, the goal is to help kids recognize the truth, in situations and in themselves. INSPIRATIONAL positive mindset affirmation #shorts #short #shortvideo I may stumble along the way, but I will get over it. We get so worried about being pretty lets be pretty kind, pretty funny, pretty smart, pretty strong., 9. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. 263. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. Short Funny Affirmations - Finally, I'm Revealing My Secret 113. I wonder why spiderman narrated it the other way round. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. 114. Today, I choose to put on my positive pants. You might use humor as a coping mechanism. 39. 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. 73. 93. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. 92. Begin your days with these powerful, funny affirmations for self-esteem. A backbone. Its okay, he woke up. 121. Make the statements about yourself and for yourself. 221. It may feel useless but just get into it. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. 154 Short, Positive Affirmations that are Easy to Remember - Billie Burke. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. 4. My mind is becoming much sharper. 88. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. If you are looking for a way to get more laughs in your day, try some of these funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. 50 Christian Affirmations to Quiet Anxiety & Renew Your Mind - byDeze The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. Here are the 200 best sarcastic quotes, from funny comments, sayings, and phrases dripping with snarky sarcasm. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. I personally love watching masters of comedy, Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre. Nothing, they just waved. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. Does it count if you say them in your mind? If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. It gets toad away. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me., 14. 47. 105. You can simply try out one of our funny options, or think of affirmations that best match your sense of humor. But even if this does happen, who cares? Nobody is listening, but you still feel embarrassed. 1. 158. 67. 223. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. Betty Reese, 9. I feel great. What do you call a bear with no teeth? My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. 99. I dont suffer from insanity. 58. Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut. 46. Im like a postage stamp. 19. Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat., 6. Top 75 Funny Daily Affirmations | Committed To Myself I am transforming into someone who is outgoing and makes others laugh. 120 Funny/sarcastic affirmations ideas - Pinterest You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. Funny affirmation quotes funny quotes about affirmation. 184. 101. Let me know in the comments section down below! I breathe in and out. 66. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 -9 years, you can believe in yourself for at least 5 minutes. Given below are some short quotes to tickle your funny bone. I never apologize. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. Chris Rock, 256. I am so worthy so that I am filling the life of people with fun and joy. Never ask a starfish for directions. 52. 186. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations. 11. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. I honor that time. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. Dont worry about those who talk behind your back, theyre behind you for a reason., See also: The Best List Of 130 People Talk Behind Your Back Quotes. Every one of my colleagues brings happiness into the office. Steven Wright Short Funny Quotes. Life gives the test first and then the lesson. 27. If you just want to keep reading, then heres some affirmations about the funny side of friendship. My funny vibes attract my funny tribe., 3. 100 Funny Monday Quotes and Sayings - Inside Of Happiness Being funny increase people's tendency to connect with you and talk to you. 178. 102. Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. My liver still works. You can't wait for inspiration. Charles M. Schulz. 256. 180. I have seen better days, but Ive also seen worse. 153. I intend to live forever. I wish my wallet came with free refills. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. All you need is love. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. Raimonda.B. You never run out of things that can go wrong. I am intelligent. Here's some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. "We . Laughter has always been lauded for its therapeutic effects. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. Ive got three bones. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. 136. Paul Ehrlich, 241. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade. As long as I have best friends as weird as me, I have everything., 10. 186. 133. 20. Not me, but somebody does. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? 29. 124. It's why you may feel excinervous (aka excited and nervous at the same time). 110 Funny Work Quotes To Jazz Up Your Workplace - Vantage Circle Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if youre one of them (I bet you are), youre going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm. Enjoy! 45. Never judge a book by its movie. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. Bill Murray 147. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. 262. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. My chins are a stairway to heaven. Funny affirmations for self-esteem are one way you can boost your mood in just minutes! Still, you need to embrace each of these surprises with same positive conviction and appreciation. 80. What do I do for a living? 79. Funny Positive Affirmations For Work. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. So, you promise yourself from tomorrow on, youll be starting your days using affirmations. I love living in my unique female body. Microchips. Why did the can crusher quit his job? Today is a great day. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way., See also: 120 Best Spiritual Universe Quotes To Contemplate Life. 198. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. 171. Mind blown! I make the right choices every time. Steve Martin Monday I shall slay thee with me mighty cup of coffee. Check out our funny affirmations selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. To thrive in life you need three bones. Ben Hogan. Top 40 Best Funny Affirmations To Make Your Day (2023) 5. 241. Heres a giant list of funny affirmations to help you relax your mind with a little humor when youre stressed. There are endless opportunities. My funny vibes attract my happy tribe. 25. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. Why did the school kids eat their homework? 34. Life does a pretty good job of keeping us stressed and worried, we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. Just as importantly, you can benefit from laughter in everyday situations. 52. Sincerely, yourself., 2. 277. I am confused between what I like the most hanging out or posting that I hung out. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. Bill Murray. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield. I create my life on a quantum level. It makes them so damned mad. The best things in life are free. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on how to write affirmations and the benefits of affirmations. 26. 208. 202. I wish my wallet came with free refills. I like expensive things because I learn the act of taking care from them. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. 122. I never apologize. Edward A. Murphy. I would have appreciated exams if they had allowed our Pokemons and Ninjas. I am joyful for achieving the ones I did. Its okay if people dont like me. As long as I have friends as weird as me, I have everything. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. 244. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. 18. 8. What do you call a bear with no teeth? Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. 48. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. Also read: 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams. [click_to_tweet tweet="Things are getting better all the time" quote="Things are getting better all the time" theme="style4] I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. We'll get to that later. 220. Funny Affirmations. 1,132 Positive Affirmations: Your Daily List of - Develop Good Habits 2. I stick to things until I get to my destination., 12. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. I want to afford them., 2. I am lazy till I get a motive. 99. 185. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. health is important. 6. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go. Related Post: 201 Awesome Short Inspirational Quotes About Life. Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. 156. I walk in the direction of what feels good for my soul. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. 9. Gary Delaney, 248. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. Walking into a room and then forgetting why I am here is my daily cardio. I dont suffer from insanity. 113. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. Sincerely, the floor. 3. Expect nothing and appreciate everything. Today, I look at my goals. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. - Jeffrey Gitomer. 237. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours. Sharing quotes, proverbs, and sayings of great authors to touch people's lives to make it better. It makes them so damned mad. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. 210. Snowballs. 253. Helen Giangregorio. Ive collected 90 funniest affirmations from different sources on the web that will help you start a day in a positive manner. Erma Bombeck. 5. Its okay, he woke up. Your habits become your values. 40 Short Positive Affirmations + Free Printable - Dare Your Lifestyle If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. 1. 54. 7. 6. 66. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. They allow you to focus on the positive and what is working in your life rather than dwelling on the negative. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. When you leave work on Friday, leave work. I am here not to compete because I know I am neither the fastest nor the smartest. 20 Funny Positive Affirmations for Self-Esteem 62. Im lovely because everyone likes me more than Monday morning!, 7. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. Everyone brings happiness to this office. Take some time each day to go through these funny affirmations for self-esteem and see how your mood shifts in response. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. 240. 49. 250. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. I am feeling wittier and more naturally funny. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. 141. But you can always be immature. 26. Make it inspiring. Albert Einstein. Dont forget to check out our post onlove yourself quotesandvision board quotesto attract positivity in your life. It gets toad away. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. Subscribe To Our Newsletter! With a cowculator. 82. 270. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. 266. Why was six scared of seven? Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. - Irish Saying. If only common sense were more common. 60. 23. You can also share them with your co-workers to put a smile on their faces. "Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.". My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? You can write them on sticky notes to set on your mirror, on the notes app in your phone for on-the-go encouragement, or you can simply memorize your favorites and recite . You can use affirmations to alleviate pressure in highly stressful scenarios, like taking an exam or going to a job interview. Its called tomorrow. 221. 8. Im like a postage stamp. Take a dose of encouragement from your positive affirmations whenever youre feeling down. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? Walter Bagehot. Socrates. Use this space for describing your block. I can engage in small acts of kindness to uplift other people. 266. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. Hes dreaming too. 26. I love my body. 4. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. It equates "weight loss" with thoughts like: I can. Need to send some positive energy your way? Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. "Change is not a four letter word but often your reaction to it is!". It doesnt work if it is not open. I can have peace, even when people irritate me.. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. Because if you can put a smile on your face with a little humor, I guarantee that youll feel some weight come off your shoulders.f. ". I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! Robert A. Heinlein, 243. 1. 216. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. 223. 62 Funny Inspirational Quotes to Motivate Your Team Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. 88. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. It has many of the same goals as affirmations, as theyre both associated with positivity and happiness. Dont let anything or anyone stop you from achieving what you truly aspire. 2. "I make people laugh, whether it's with me or at me.". I live in a loving, nurturing, safe, and beautiful world. 207. 26. Finally, if you want a simple tool to record and recite these affirmations, then check out these 13 affirmations apps that help you create a positive mindset. They planet. By waking up and repeating this mantra, you will set the tone for the day. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. 177. Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. Czech proverb Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. I will tell the negative voice inside my head to shut up. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. Gary Delaney Microchips. 47. The Only 100 Positive Affirmations You Will Ever Need